In a Perfect World

In a perfect world, I never step on the back of your shoes. When it’s been a long day and you sigh with exasperation over one of my quirks, I catch your drift and apologize. I laugh when it’s appropriate, and I give silence when the situation requests it. I’m understanding, caring, and patient as you lay all your worries at my feet. I’m a man that’s perfectly satisfied with his calves, my shoulders, my arms, and my weight. I’m a woman, my hair is straight without a being straightened, it’s conditioned without showering that morning, and my face is always unblemished, regardless of what happened yesterday.

When you try and tell me something, I always understand, unless you don’t want me to, in which case I ask a caring, prompting question. I don’t do anything embarrassing, unless it’s on purpose, and when I do it, it can only improve other people’s opinion about me. I know when to make jokes and when to take jokes, and I’m always at a happy median for volume. I talk just enough, but if I’m on the quiet end, well, that’s of course just because I’m a reserved person; I’m confident enough in my own thoughts to not need the approval of you!

When danger arises, I have a heart of courage. I don’t hesitate to protect the weak, and I don’t boast in my own strength; I don’t have to. No obstacle stands too high for me, no enemy too strong for me, and any confrontation I avoid is simply because it’s ridiculous. Or perhaps it’s just a waste of my time, you know? If all current events were going through the Normandy’s computer, I would be the Commander Shepard of the world. I have no formal weapon training, but my natural talent renders me on par with an expert.

I never lose my wits in a fight, but I do level into an intense focus that I just can’t explain. I’m mortal, I’m human, I’m old, I’m young, I’m inexperienced, I’m not good with people, I’m a real lone wolf, I’m a man with plenty of things to hide—but nothing I do would ever suggest this. My actions and emotions are two separate entities; letting them mix is a dangerous recipe for failure. When I get tired, I don’t let it touch my body, and I certainly don’t make mistakes. I’m not lethargic, exhausted, lazy, or apathetic. Everything I do I do with passion.

I never get sick. You can’t tie me down to one location. I’m a man of my own world, a woman on my own terms. In high school I was popular without needing to be, a computer expert who couldn’t be bested in human interaction. My ideas are simply too much for you to understand, so you’d best just realize you can’t compare me with your average person. My own thoughts are my only law; you cannot sway me unless I want to be swayed. My family life, sex life, spiritual life, emotional state, and career are all in check with just a touch of excess to make me interesting. Any area you find me lacking in is simply a cost of being so strong in another area that I happen to focus on anyway. My skills are always useful to the situation, but I can always develop new ones if necessary.

I write novels about my own adventures. I perform politics while practicing philosophy. I’m a progressive thinker who’s dedicated to my traditions. Typically speaking, I’m not your typical person.  I’m a thinker and a tinker, an investor and an inventor. My destiny is my own, I walk my own path, I take things in stride, and I never falter in my resolve. I’m unpredictable, spontaneous, and full of character. Some people might call me insane, but you’ll know from talking to me it’s just creative genius.

I don’t alter my appearance, but I look just fine anyway. I have that rugged edge that baffles the current culture. I’ve never studied for a test, but I’m still the best student in my class. I study harder than anyone else, and it always pays off. I walk the talk, but don’t ask me what I’m thinking—I just don’t know. You see, I have this thing, where I just “Do” and things work. Everything comes from my soul, and that’s where success rests, my friend. Just be yourself, love yourself, embrace yourself, and don’t try to be someone you’re not—it always worked for me. I’m unashamed, unabashed, unembarrassed, and unrestrained, because I don’t need to be.

You may think I’m strange, but that’s not true. In a perfect world, I’m just like you.