Roleplayers Love Feedback

Roleplayers love feedback. It’s true! But I don’t mean critical feedback, where you go “I really liked what you did here, but this could use some work” I mean feedback in the communication sense. Presumably how this works, according to modern experts in communication, is that feedback is the response to a message sent by the sender. It’s a good thing we have armies of PhDs and experts to analyze our communications and decide that, indeed, effective communication requires a two-way path.

And yet, this may seem obvious, but so often we absolutely miss it, especially in roleplay. In fact, we miss it so much of the time that when a roleplayer actually gives another person “feedback” in a roleplay, it’s a huge deal. When I think of the greatest moments I’ve had in roleplay—or other people’s moments they’ve recounted to me—it never involves just one person. It’s always about the tradeoff, the exchange of information between two people that creates something memorable.

So if this is so powerful, so pleasant and so memorable, why does it seem so rare?

The short answer is because we’re self-centered. This isn’t to condemn anyone, because we’re all in the same boat, and in all likelihood this is largely the case because of how we were introduced to roleplay. When I think back to where I started in roleplay, my first threads were very feedback intensive, because it makes a lot of sense. The posts were short, the interactions were fluid, and even though it wasn’t a “great” roleplay from a literary standpoint, I still have fond memories of it. Is it just nostalgia? I think there might be something more.

But as I continued to go on roleplaying, my posts got longer. As I wanted to develop my characters more, I started excluding the other person’s character more. Every post became less about responding to my partner and more about exploring my own personal character. Why? Because the people I roleplayed with, who were all my senior to some degree, had already been through this process.

I bring this up only to impress on you that, really, we’re all in the same boat. The reality, though, is that it matters less how we got here and more about what we do from here on out. Giving feedback in a roleplay requires sacrifice, something I’ve brought up in previous posts, but I want to give it special focus now. For a change, let’s illustrate it with an example.

One roleplayer makes this post:

Scept walked alongside the woman, not entirely sure what to think about her. She was rough, coarse, and rude, but she might be his only chance at getting what he needed. He could use her. Do you think you have what it takes? she’d asked, and the question brought annoyance immediately. After a long moment, he looked at the woman with determination, “I have what it takes. I survived all of Project Epsilon, after all.” Immediately he regretted his words. No one knew he’d been in the Beta Test—it was his secret. He hated playing his cards, and that was his biggest one.

Since this is roleplay, there’re a million different responses you could come up with, but let me give you two. Here’s the bad one first:

The kid was sticking to her like a flea to a dog, and it was beginning to get annoying. She didn’t like people like him, and she had better things to do. Besides, she worked better by herself. I survived all of Project Epsilon, after all, he said, and she couldn’t help but look at him. This kid? Make it through the Beta? She’d only met a couple of people who claimed they came out of the Beta, and one of them was a liar and a con. It didn’t matter, though, she wasn’t about to take his word on credit alone. “Yeah, well. We’ll see,” Terrel said.

Okay, now try one that pays more attention to feedback:

Terrel looked at him uncomfortably. The kid was scrawny and young, and yet he still claimed he was a great mage. Worse, she kind of believed him. Despite that, he was sticking to her like glue, no matter where she went, and he seemed incredibly persistent on going with her. What did he really want? Did he really expect her to take him on his word alone? I survived all of Project Epsilon, after all, he said, and she immediately took a step back from him and stopped walking.

It made too much bloody sense. In a moment, she had pulled her crossbow out and pointed it at his chest, “That’s either a bold-faced lie, or you need to get the hell away from me, you understand?” Her heart was racing. What did a Beta Tester want with her? Would he kill her? She grimaced, and her grip on the crossbow tightened, “Either tell me exactly what you want, or get out of here right now.”

Do you see the difference between the two? The first post isn’t necessarily bad, but it spends most of its time talking about the roleplayer’s personal character. A character reflecting on their thoughts isn’t a bad thing, but the first post does that almost exclusively. More importantly, though, the character refuses to be affected by what Scept says. There’s a reaction, but Terrel’s attitude changes very little, despite the other character revealing something that should be important. Her ambivalence and apathy turn what should be a big deal for Scept into something that’s hardly worth mentioning. Some of this may relate to Terrel’s character itself, but let me address that in a minute.

The second post isn’t perfect, but it accomplishes some very important things that first one cannot. Instead of being stoic and immovable, Terrel responds rather dramatically. The roleplayer sees that what Scept said is no small card to play, and they give feedback appropriate to the message. Instead of living out some personal fantasy of being a badass, they take the hit and let Terrel actually be moved. In a sense, she submits and makes herself appear weaker than Scept—or at least adverse to him—instead of just trying to raise her nose and skate over his character. Do you see? From the perspective of the person roleplaying Scept, things feel right. They gave a message of a certain weight, and the feedback says, “I’ve got it and I get it; I’m responding appropriately.” This communication makes a world of difference.

Too often we find ourselves unable to take a knee, to take a hit. We’re so bent up on roleplaying a character that’s above everyone else that we won’t take a punch in a roleplay (literally or figuratively). So many people want to play the “main character”, the one of importance, and as a result no one will respect a character for what they are. But let me tell you this:

If you give a roleplayer feedback, you’re going to absolutely make their day.

There’s no guarantee they’re going to give you a like-kind treatment—show you mutual respect—but you have to offer it if you want to receive it, usually. It’s worth it to show some weakness in your character, to actually be affected by the other person in an adverse way, than to just always try and hold your cards close. When there’s true impact from one character to another, your roleplays become suddenly much more dynamic and interesting. In my above example, the rest of the roleplay is going to be radically different and more intriguing than if they’d just both cold-shouldered each other.

Returning to my previous point, you might argue that it’s simply the way you built your character, that they’re an arrogant prick who kneels to no one and refuses to be swayed. The reality, though, is that this means you kind of just have an issue with the character itself. I’m not going to go so far as to say the character is “bad” but I would say they’re limited, and it’s harder to have impactful character interactions. Maybe you don’t need to go as far as changing the character, but you might look more actively for ways to break that mold.

Give to get. Go out on a limb and let your character get humiliated in combat; allow them to not have everything under control. Look for things that you know about but your character doesn’t and let them be genuinely surprised when they find out. It doesn’t do you any good if they’re never being touched, never being challenged, and never being put into bad spots. When you give another roleplayer true feedback in a roleplay, they’ll notice and appreciate it. It’s awesome.